5 Self-Care Tips for Parents of Twins

Written by Ilona Bannister

Published on August 6, 2024

• The demands of raising twins can seem overwhelming, especially in the early years when just getting to the end of each day feels like a win. 
• It’s easy to lose yourself and de-prioritise your needs while meeting the constant needs of your twins. 
• As a parent of twins, you may often receive unwanted attention, unsolicited advice, and well-meaning but inappropriate comments and judgments from others. 
• It’s important to put some self-care and support in place to help you manage your health and well-being as a parent of twins. 

Parenting twins is a unique experience that not everyone—not even all parents—can fully understand. Parents of twins may often feel like they and their children are on display in public, and are constantly being ambushed with comments and advice which may not be helpful or appropriate. 

This pressure, in addition to the usual parenting challenges, can be a lot to handle, especially in the early years when parents are finding their way to parenting two or more children. That’s why implementing some self-care routines and taking care of your physical and mental health are so important. 

Take a look at these self-care tips for parents of twins and start taking care of you! 

Tip #1. Establish a Routine

How is establishing a routine for your twins part of self-care for you? Getting your twins on a schedule for eating and sleeping helps you predict what is coming next in your day and lets you be prepared for it, reducing your overall stress. 

Over time, creating a routine will also let you build time into your day or week when you know you’ll be able to take care of yourself by napping, exercising, getting outside, taking a class, or watching a favorite show. 

Routines should allow for flexibility and change as your children grow. Periods of sleeping training your twins or potty training will change the flow of your days around those times. 

In general, routines create a sense of predictability for you and your twins over time, which helps alleviate stress for everyone in the family. Most importantly, it will help you avoid mom burnout by giving you some time for yourself. 

Tip #2. Prioritize Health and Sleep

Sleep deprivation affects all new parents, and parents of twins can often have a harder time than most. 

A study in Applied Nursing Research¹1. Damato, E. G., & Zupancic, J.. Strategies Used by Parents of Twins to Obtain Sleep. Applied Nursing Research. 2009;22(3), 216–220. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.apnr.2007.07.004 found that parents of twins are often given sleep advice which works for singletons but isn’t tailored to the needs of families with twins, especially if they’re premature. 

While you’ve probably heard many times that you should “sleep when the babies sleep,” this isn’t always realistic or practical, especially in the early days when your twins may be doing things on different schedules. 

However, getting sleep at some point is critical for your health and well-being and your ability to handle the demands of twins. 

Perhaps the most valuable sleep tip is to prioritize your sleep whenever you can. Try to get your twins into a sleep routine when they’re ready. Ask a friend or family member to come over so you can take a nap. Share the bedtime routine with a partner so you can get to bed. 

It may also help to remember that sleep deprivation is not permanent and that a day will come when your twins will sleep through the night. 

Tip #3. Seek Help and Connect with Other Twin Parents

While parents with children the same age as your twins may empathize with you, there are some challenges of raising twins that only other twin parents can truly understand. 

Organizations like Multiples of America can help connect you to other families and groups in your community. Joining a parenting group for multiples, whether in-person or online, is a great way to get your twin-specific questions answered, share information, and find emotional support. 

It’s also important to build a support network of friends and family that you can rely on for practical help and understanding of your unique situation. 

Don’t worry that asking for help or babysitting for your terrific twosome may intimidate your loved ones. Ask them to take one child out so you can spend time with the other. Even just having another adult to provide an extra pair of hands during a part of your daily routine can be a huge help. 

Tip #4. Spend Individual Time with Each Twin

Experts agree that encouraging the individuality and self-worth of twins as separate people is an important part of their development. 

As UPMC Children’s Community Pediatrics²2. Parenting Twins as Unique Individuals. Children’s Community Pediatrics. https://www.childrenspeds.com/health-resources/parents/twins points out, although the bond your twins share is deep and lifelong, they will each have to learn to make separate choices in school and work, develop friendships and relationships with different people, and pursue and develop their individual interests.  

One of the ways they suggest that you can deepen your bond with each child and help develop their sense of self is by spending time separately with each twin. 

According to Twins Trust³3. Individuality. Twins Trust. https://twinstrust.org/information/parenting/individuality.html#:~:text=By%20spending%20one%2Dto%2Done,the%20knees%20with%20their%20siblings., a leading UK-based multiples organization, “By spending one-to-one time with each of your children you can promote individuality and increase your individual bonding.”

When you spend time individually with your children, even if it’s only a few minutes a day, you get to learn about their unique personalities, interests, and abilities. You foster trust, model building separate relationships, and get to know each distinctive half of your amazing duo. 

You may be thinking to yourself, “Hang on, I thought this was about self-care for me!” It is. Spending time focused on one child alleviates some of the stress and chaos of twin life in your daily routine. 

It also helps you to take a break from the daily grind of a busy household and family life to appreciate the special people you created and remind yourself that you’re doing a great job. 

Tip #5. Foster Your Relationship

The demands and stresses of raising children can challenge even the strongest relationship.  While your parenting duties may have become the priority, it’s important to continue to check on your partner and to let them know you support them and that you see everything they’re doing. 

During intense parenting periods, date night may seem out of reach especially when exhaustion takes over. While date nights are a great idea, remember that these can be simple and don’t have to be perfect. The point of your date nights should be to take some pressure off rather than to add more stress. 

If you’re in a period of high stress, like sleep training or a vomiting bug, setting aside a few minutes at the beginning or end of every day just to check on your partner, to make sure they’re well, and to acknowledge what they’re doing for the family can go a long way. 

Making sure that you are both satisfied with the division of labor when it comes to your twins is crucial to keep resentment from building up and affecting your relationship. 

Maintaining open communication is a form of self-care for you and your relationship. 

References

1. Damato, E. G., & Zupancic, J. (2009). Strategies Used by Parents of Twins to Obtain Sleep. Applied Nursing Research, 22(3), 216–220. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.apnr.2007.07.004
2. Parenting Twins as Unique Individuals. Children’s Community Pediatrics. (n.d.). https://www.childrenspeds.com/health-resources/parents/twins
3. Individuality. Twins Trust. (n.d.). https://twinstrust.org/information/parenting/individuality.html#:~:text=By%20spending%20one%2Dto%2Done,the%20knees%20with%20their%20siblings.